The Gryffindorgy
by Drarry Polfoy
Summary: Harry goes on an epic quest to prove he is the biggest slut in Hogwarts. Warnings for lots of explicit sexual language, character deaths, small non-con and just a wild ride from start to finish


The Gryffindorgy

Ingredients (will produce 90,000 litres of sexual fluids):

Thirsty wizard thots.

Eight disposable wands (preferably made from a young wood ash or bamboo).

One castle-shaped fuckatorium.

Seventy two gallons of wet platinum.

Magic snake dicks.

Four and a half Virgin punishes

Several arseholes

A mountain of freshers' brain fuck holes

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I love memes

Harry always knew he was destined for something. He always knew one day he would find what he was destined for. Little did he know however was that he would not be the one to choose this destiny for himself. Harry would become the biggest slut that Hogwarts had ever seen, and nothing would be able to get in his way, not even the one who shall not be fucked. Harry would reach his goal and prove to the world that he had the ability to take as much as he could give.

Harry had always wandered about the origin of the name "Death Eater". Did they eat Death? Did they eat each other? Did they eat TILL death? Did DEATH eat THEM? (Later he learnt that all the above was true)

Just some of the mysteries hidden in the walls of Hogwarts. What other mysteries had Harry been hiding? Aside from his erection, which had been growing ever since his sweaty uncle showed him how much he secretly craved his boyhole. Harry's scar was burning like the fiery pits under his arms. He could feel something coming... Voldemort. However Harry could not doddle on such silly matters. He had something to do today.

Harry was wondering around the grounds all day when all of a sudden he stumbled upon a magic portal of light. Glistening into Harry's dick the light flickered around the room, dancing like the ballet dancers of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. Coincidentally, it was dancing in the lake.

Harry began to approach the portal, his boots squelching in the hot mud. He felt drawn in, as if the portal was calling to him, tugging on the soul itself. Harry confined to approach until reaching the very edge of the lake.

His tights plastered against his thick luscious thighs there was not much room for perspiration. Beads of sweat ran down his sweet calves which also glistened in the moonlight where Remus and Sirius were having wild animal sex. Their howls echoing across the fields like a lustful orchestra. Their fur becoming slick with semen.

Suddenly Harry saw his dad rush towards the two men and shove his antlers in each of their arseholes.

The three man-creatures began to squirm, and Harry saw a rat crawl out of their anni (plural of anus) and suddenly Peter was there riding his Dad like the fucking filthy animal he is.

Harry looked away in the disgust. "I hate furries." He continued on his venture towards the portal but was met with what appeared to be a large Boulder, then the portal sucked up and vanished like my sex life.

Peeking around the boulder Harry saw the unimaginable (seriously you can't make this shit up like what the actual fuck)

Harry glanced over to Hagrids hut to see the half giant pleasuring himself with a picture of a giant spider bathing in a bath of his own urine.

Harry realised he was getting sidetracked any began to walk back to the portal.

Unfortunately, he hadn't realised it was his time of the month. There was blood everywhere. But it wasn't his it was Voldemort's! Surprise gay sex!

But how did Snape get there?

"Don't cry mon petit pois" whispered Voldemort into his ear. Snape, Harry and Voldy rolled to the owlery where they saw hedwig and crookshanks eating each other (but in the sexual way)

He stuck his wand in. Then his magic wand. Then his dick (in case it wasn't clear, like his semen)

After a vigorous fucking session (followed by tea and cake), Harry headed back into the Castle and just happened to walk by the Slytherin dungeon when he saw Draco and the new kid Aston walking towards their room with their mouths and dicks interlocked.

Draco mounted Aston. How long had he been wishing for this? Aston cried as Draco penetrated him. Screaming like a mandrake as his delicious butthole was opened and closed like a Venus flytrap

Harry walked into the room and Draco approached.

Harry pulled his mouth away from Draco's hand and nodded curtly in understanding. He quickly put out his wand-light and moved closer to Draco to stand in the light.

"Follow me, Potter," Malfoy hissed, tiptoeing along the corridor, Harry right behind him. Draco quickly located what he was looking for as footsteps became more audible behind them, quickly grabbed a door handle, and shoved Harry inside. He followed Harry into the tiny broom closet, but unfortunately tripped on the threshold and nearly landed on his face. With reflexes as quick as Draco's own, Harry quickly caught him, but his wand clattered to the floor and the light went out completely.

"Fuck," he growled into the darkness, righting himself and leaning against the wall across from Harry in an attempt to get away from his touch. He failed, however, because the closet was so tiny that even with both boys pressed against opposite walls, their legs were still tangled together and their chests brushed together every time one of them inhaled.

"Smallest fucking closet I've ever been in," Harry mumbled.

"Just how many closets have you been in, Saint Potter?" Draco asked, covering his genuine curiosity with his usual snark.

"Draco!" Harry scream! "Why would you do this!?"

(It's funny cuz they're gay.)

Draco took out his long wooden spoon and made a pleasant casserole. Then he buttfucked Harry with said casserole.

The next day, Aston extracted three broken wands, one small cactus, and a bag full of frogs in his bloodied rear.

Blood gushed out of him like a small stream, or perhaps the mountains of precious metals below gringotts bank.

And then aston woke up and it was jsut a wet dream phew that was a close one guys….

He turned around to see Dobby asleep with a midget dick in his hands. AAAAAAAAH!

Not again!

"Deeper my succulent little house elf, fill me like a skip! Stuff me like a pepper!"

Really, he should stop saying this stuff so loudly. Not three seconds later, Ron's head popped around the doorway.

"Pierce me Ronald! DO IT. Spike me with the tender sting of that ginger spiced dick." Harry screamed, his mind filled with thoughts of Ron and only Ron.

"OKAY ILL DO IT! Just for you my beloved."

Ron impaled Harry on his great lance, causing him to scream out in agony and pleasure.

"Ron please that's enough!"

"Oh you think so?" Ronald's face took on a dark persona, he grabbed Harry's chin and looked him in the eyes, " this is just the beginning." Ron continued slinging his fat hog.

Ron came so hard Harry flew through the roof like a bottle rocket. The pressure. Could he reciprocate, even though his prostate had just been atomised? Yes. Yes he could.

He took Ron by his autumn brown hair, pulling harshly in the dim light. "Watch and learn."

With all this commotion, Dumbledore exploded through the bolted door. "DID YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN HARRY'S ARSE!?" he said calmly. "No." replied Harry. "I put my dick in the owl."

His sweaty brow showed more than a concerned headmaster, he advanced towards the group all he could whisper was these sweet words. "50 points for griffindooooooorrrrrr…" His hand caressed the the small scar, gently fondling Harry's dark dirty hair. "Remarkable boy"

Needless to say Harry's scar was not the only thing that was burning up

"Ah yes perhaps, but now for the finale, we must go deeper and retrieve the golden snitch!" he harshly plunged his hand into Harry's pants, sighing loudly as he did so. this is much better."

But alas, Dumbledore was not alone. He was attached to Hermione by the dick hole.

"EHY FUK HERMIONE?" Ron scream from inside Harry. "Wingardium leviosa", said Ron in order to lift harry up and down along his twelve-inch ashy log. This did not work. Hermione, with her dying breath, mumbled "Winguardian levio-sa". Harry began to vibrate at seven-hundred oscillations per minute. His brain was severely concussed, but the risk of traumatic brain injury was no match for Harry's traumatic desire for cum.

At this point, Harry realised that Hagrid had drowned in his semen. They left him there for a while. Hagrid was pronounced dead seventeen minutes after the ejaculation by an emotional Madam Pomfrey. Her brow was sweaty and her complexion pale. Harry offered to wipe her brow with his dick, and proceed to separate her skull into twelve pieces: the pressure… Her head exploded like a me-lon. The only thing that could compete with the pressure was the aggressive insertion of the freakin' basilisk into Harry's already ruptured anus, and the extraction of the snake from the opposing end of his digestive tract. Tom Riddle wriggled his way through Harry's meat-tube.

Harry, not full from the earlier casserole,proceeded to eat splattered cranial taste was like nothing he had ever experienced. He came over his already pale chest, like snow dusted over a limestone driveway. Of course, driveways aren't needed in this world because the cars literally fucking fly like come on guys. Like seriously imagine how many bunnies you could get to licked your dick with an enlarged Tongue? So, so many.

Little did he know, Umbridge was on her way. And she had brought her dragon dildos.

(Which are the miniature dragons from the fourth book who can slither up your cavities and pleasure your insides).

"KNOCK KNOCK, WHO WANTS DRAGON COCK?!"

She grinned maliciously, prepared for many, many more games to be played.

"Follow the rules, children."

She tied each of the children to a pink chair and proceeded to magic off each part of their clothes until they were nekked. Then she said,

"I will fuck you while the others watch and if you scream I will cut you and stuff the wound with my scat"

Harry instantly went hard as he was addicted to teenage angst and pain.

"Now now Harry," Umbridge said, "not yet-"

Before she could finished, Grawp reached inside the window and shoved her entire body inside his anus.

"Well", Luna shrugged "I never liked the bitch anyway"

Grawp threw the broken body of Umbridge away and turned to see zombie Hagrid dressed in nothing but a sack of giant Potatoes. He ripped off the sack and the half brothers started ravaging each other. Grawp pounded his fists against the floor causing quakes that shook the castles and he bit into his arm, tearing away at the flesh, to prevent the screams from deafening the inhabitants of the forest. Zombie Hagrid was in pain but it felt so good he didn't want it to stop. The two thrust back and forth like a jackhammer and the pressure built until suddenly there was a sweet release. Grawp pulled out at the last second and came all over a herd of centaurs. They drowned.

Meanwhile, Harry suddenly died (because shit like that happens) and ended up in Limbo (because shit like that happens).

Dumbledore still fixed on only Harry, dream or no dream urged him to do many things Harry had never heard of. In a white Kings Cross (don't be racist), much cleaner than the real thing. Dumbledore stepped out of the mist, brandishing his secondary sword,much more impressive than his Elder wand.

"Oh yes! You remind me of my uncle, the boyhole buttfucker! I always liked his company."

After wiping himself clean on Dumbeldore's beard, Harry went to the sweet shop and got a nice lolly pop and it was really nice and tasted good the end! But the lolly-pop was actually Voldemort's dick, Harry returned back to Hogwarts and sat on the edge of Ron's bed, voldemort's dick still in hand. He looked ron right in the eyes and slowly licked up voldemort's sickly sweet shaft.

"Oh I see Voldemort, you lost some size on your nose but this definitely makes up for it."

"Tommy! Defrost my sausages!"

Riddle placed his huge bag knee deep in his boyhole. Harry squirmed around pathetically, flinging his glasses (glaaasses) across the room as he moaned. "Voldemort you have gone this far, why don't you show me your true power?"

Voldemort grinned.

(•̀ᴗ•́)൬༉

"Are you sure you want this Harry? Do you really want the true prophecy to be fulfilled?"

Harry thought for a moment and then realised how stupid he was. He shouldn't have to think about it, he had been craving this for years.

"I assume you know of the curses Harry? There is one forbidden curse which only the highest ranking wizards can use. Would you like to see what it means to wield TRUE POWER?!"

Harry nodded weakly, he knew this was his destiny.

"Then Harry my boy, grab onto the true elder wand, and let us begin the ceremony."

Harry reluctantly reached forwards, compelled to attain his true meaning. His hands quivered like the body of dobby as he died in the movie oops spoiler; but anwyay he was really scared and stuff but he did it anyway the madman.

They were disturbed by a noise as a fucking ginger knocked on the window.

Ron growled like the true foxy slut he was. Lying naked on the bonnet of the flying car. (Which was in flight at the time)

"Oh how I've been waiting for this Harry. For years I have played the fool and idiot while you are the 'master wizard' who gets all the credit for everything. Well now I've had enough Harry. Tonight I will make you my bitch and we will see who is truly the greatest wizard of them all."

Ron slid off the bonnet of the car and stepped onto the smooth clouds.

"Now Harry the preparations must be made, cast the penis inversion spell this instant!" "he will bleed from being in so much pain and we will call this a period!"

Meanwhile, Neville Longbottom was strolling along one of Hogwart's more obscure corridors. Little did he know that his bottom was soon to become much longer. Dobby surprised him from behind, inserting his sock-cladded hand into Neville's pursed balloon-knot. Neville's face exploded with pleasure; for once he was an important character in a story which is so often focused around the protagonist.

It was then that Mrs. Norris pawed Harry's exposed anus. She played with his insides like a ball of fleshy string.

Lord Voldemort climbed out from within Harry's scar and began to fuck it with multiple snake dicks sprouting from his otherwise action-man smooth gooch. "HARRY THIS IS POWER OVERWHELMING! WITNESS ME THIS FINAL TIME!" Voldemort gently whispered into Harry's small sexy ear.

Shortly afterwards, Harry sat and rubbed Thomas's shark-skin smooth gooch, lamenting the retraction of his silky slither-friends. Harry missed being slithered inside, he always missed being slithered inside. Slither is love. Slither is life.

Ron burst out of Hogwarts barnhouse, covered in oil and oatmeal. His slick body slid across the corridors as he made his way to dumbledore's office. The eagle at the staircase asked for the password and Ron proceeded to stick his erect penis into the Eagle's mouth.

"Open sesame kiddo" said Ron as he fixed his shades.

Reluctantly the eagle opened the stairwell. As Ron walked up he winked and gestured for the eagle to call him with his hand.

Ron sat on the floor and slid towards dumbledore like a dog.

"Ron what the fuck are you doing lol"

Ron looked at dumbledore when suddenly Harambe (anonymous gorilla) climbed out of the inclosure, child in one hand, dick in the other. Which was larger? Who will ever know, RIP

The next day Harry woke up and attempted to sneak out of the room. Unfortunately he tripped and landed dick first into Lucious Malfoy. Draco saw this and cried because his dad was fucking HIS fuck buddy. He got out his wand and shouted avada kedavra but his wand was his dick so only a bit of cum squirted out.

Malfoy the titchy said "My father will hear about this" but Malfoy the hot as fuck was already there so the comment was redundant.

Malfoy the dick got annoyed and decided to pray to the God of penetrative understanding.

"Our father, who fart in heaven, hallowed be thine penis. Thy king dump cum, thy will be done, on arse as it is in Harambe. Give us this day our daily breast and forgive us our best arses, as we forgive those who pressed arse against us. Lead us not into tent hentai, and deliver us from fanfiction for our King-dong-come our power shower, and our gloryholes are yours.

Forever and ever,

Ah, fuck men" - J-dog Christikins

"also, how is baby form? I've always wanted to know."

"With inverted penis"

Only God foreskins

"Ah Harry you prick! It's go time, have you noticed where we are?"

Malfoy stood aside to reveal a trapdoor. From within could be heard the sound of three snoring dogs. Harry recoiled back in fear. He knew the beast who guarded this chamber…

Little did he know, deep within the chamber, there was another scene unfolding. Ghost Hermione was sitting quietly alone, her hand carefully stroking her large books.

" Harry will never be a bigger slut than me" She whispered, wearing herself her very own dick.

Then Voldemort started cheering himself on: (to the tune of the mysterious ticking noise)

"Voldemort, Voldemort, oh fucky yummy scummy voldemort"

He reached inside himself and prepared to enthusiastically masturbate when he screamed as he didn't have his dick anymore.

"What the fuck did you do with my fuck stick?"

"I attached it to your nose, we now have a better version of you running around and I will fuck him instead" replied Harry coolly.

My very own pet elephant to play with. If you know what I mean. He proceeded to fuck Voldemort in the nostril.

Voldemort hissed in pleasure. Like a fucking snake. "Oh Harry you really do know how to please an old man like me." Voldemort smiled and licked his lips. "Is it my turn yet boy?"

Harry rolled his eyes, he didn't want to stop but he was a fair boy.

Harry began to recite his mantra:

"Yummy! Yummy! Voldy gives me lots of cummies! Yummy! Yummy! Give me more! I am Voldy's little whore! Yummy! Yummy! No more cummy? All of it is in my tummy! Did you use a condom dummy? Oh no! Looks like I've become a mummy!"

Back, by the light of the silvery moon, Professor Lupin cast his hardest patronus charm inside Sirius's destroyed tailhole, the happiness filling his steamy hot passage. Finally, as both of them were exhausted, they decided to sniff each others butts.

Unfortunately, Sirius got his nose stick inside Lupin's back pee hole (as opposed to his front pee hole).

Harry glanced out the window and saw this. He got his muggle shotgun and killed then both,

"I fucking HATE furries!"

Harry noticed that an anonymous stranger had forgotten to flush the toilet in the Gryffindor residences. This may have been because there was simply too much fecal matter for even a magical toilet to process. Harry began to feast; the accompanying drink was of a rare vintage, brown with small flecks of red; evidence of some kind of irritable bowel disorder.

He realised it was the rear entrance to the chamber of secrets and slid down to find Voldemort waiting for him.

"So this is it Harry. Let's find out who the biggest slut is," said Voldemort through his gritted teeth.

Harry pulled out his fucking glock and popped Voldemort in his face.

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little muggle? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Defence Against the Dark Arts, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the Death Eaters, and I have over 300 confirmed stupifys. I am trained in magical warfare and I'm the top Auror in the entire Wizarding armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another Death Eater. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Floo Network? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Wizarding World and your fireplace is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, mudblood. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my basic spells. Not only am I extensively trained in muggle combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Ministry of Magic and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn squib. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking Snape'd, kiddo."

And so finally Harry had become the biggest slut in all of Hogwarts. Yes his asshole has been expanded into a literal new universe of infinite distance wide, but it was worth it. Harry had finally achieved his goal and could rest in peace.

Little did he know that wormtail was sneaking away from the castle, having cleaned out everyone's anii,

"Sorry Harry," he whispered stroking his tail (and by that I mean cock), "you'll have to try harder next time"

Lol I get it sex joke

Messrs Aston (yes that Aston), Jordie, Hannie, Em, Georgie, Clarie, Katie, Ellie and Ollie are proud to present whatever the fuck this is. Art. This is our bible.

Repent, people.

A dissertation by Oliver James Dickchards (in small part, like his cock)

Note from the author:

This story takes place over the period of 2 hours aprox. So please consider how fast paced the action really is and appreciate this.

WATCH OUT FOR PART 2, it will involve donkey kong and various barrels, like, sex barrels.

Lol sex


End file.
